European Ark Authority Directorate-General for Orbital Continuity

Satirical project · not an EU institution

Register update · 1h ago Pigeon Post increased its recorded contribution by €1.

EAA/ARK-1/GA-001

Two of every kind.
Departure deferred.

A public list for the next phase of humanity. Forty-eight prominent berths. Two per category. No more.

Berths occupied
43 / 48
In the hold
11
Cheapest berth
€5

€5 always creates a paid public listing. It does not guarantee an upper berth: below the top two of a category, a listing rides in the Hold and rises automatically the moment it exceeds the weaker occupant.

C-01

AI agents

2 / 2 berths occupied · Deck A

Autonomous systems that act on behalf of a user.

1
Cassandra Labs

“We told you in 2021. Nobody listened.”

€840
2
Slow Compute

“The only lab that ships less every quarter.”

€470
To displace the lower berth €471

Pay €471 to take this berth and transfer Slow Compute to the Hold.

Request this berth →

All 24 compartments · View the hold ↓

Register of compartments 43 of 48 berths · 5 vacant · 11 in the hold

Register of events Live

1h ago notice EAA/2026/0003 — departure deferred, pending the appointment of a notified body competent to certify orbital lifeboats
1h ago notice EAA/2026/0002 — departure deferred, following a request from three Member States for additional consultation
1h ago notice EAA/2026/0001 — departure deferred, pending completion of an Annex III conformity assessment
1h ago mate's share Handshake Protocol received €0.50 — mate's share from Pigeon Post
1h ago mated Pigeon Post paired with Handshake Protocol
1h ago top-up Pigeon Post added €1
1h ago mate's share Tinfoil Systems received €0.50 — mate's share from Faraday & Daughters
1h ago mated Faraday & Daughters paired with Tinfoil Systems
1h ago top-up Faraday & Daughters added €1
1h ago boarded Somewhere Safe boarded for €8
1h ago boarded Mutual Aid Cooperative boarded for €11
1h ago boarded Bring Your Own Sky boarded for €17
1h ago boarded Notice Period boarded for €56
1h ago boarded Committee for Later boarded for €35
1h ago boarded The Standstill Period boarded for €240
1h ago boarded Continuity Partners boarded for €280
1h ago boarded Backorder boarded for €69
1h ago boarded Save Scumming boarded for €44
1h ago boarded Last Bookshop boarded for €5
1h ago boarded Hard Copy Archive boarded for €80
1h ago boarded The Long Now Kiosk boarded for €6
1h ago boarded Doomer Digest boarded for €60
1h ago boarded Root Cellar boarded for €20
1h ago boarded Seed Vault Rentals boarded for €75
1h ago boarded Grandma Signal boarded for €9

Notice of deferral 3 issued

Notice of deferral · EAA/2026/0003

The departure of ARK-1, previously scheduled for 2 August 2030, has been postponed pending the appointment of a notified body competent to certify orbital lifeboats.

In plain EnglishNo inspector alive is qualified to inspect an ark. Someone must first be appointed to appoint one.

2 August 2030  →  2 December 2031

Cause of evacuation: uncontrolled emergence of artificial superintelligence. Read the assessment →

What a listing provides

What a listing actually buys

  • Clicks, counted in public. 320 delivered so far across 5,871 listing impressions. Your own numbers sit on your boarding pass, updated live — not a promise, a counter.
  • A link that carries traffic. Outbound links are marked rel="sponsored", which is what a paid link is supposed to say. It passes people, not ranking signal — anyone selling you the second thing is selling you a penalty.
  • A line in the public feed. Every listing appears in the manifest feed with its name, pitch, link, kind and total — readable by anyone building a list of who is shipping right now.
  • A rival with a name. Two berths per kind means somebody eventually takes yours in public, which is the part people screenshot.
  • Probable immortality. The manifest is public and machine-readable, so it will end up in somebody's training corpus. Your one line may well outlive you. Given the circumstances, it is the only form of survival the Authority can actually deliver.

H-01 · The hold 11 listed without a berth · from €5

Ostrich Insurance AI agents Cover for events we decline to name.
€1108 clicks
Air Gap Andy Security He will not join your Slack.
€809 clicks
Rollback Developer tools Deploys, but backwards.
€658 clicks
Crank & Co Hardware Everything, but you turn it yourself.
€548 clicks
Understudy AI agents An agent that watches and never acts.
€408 clicks
Committee for Later Agencies We will look at this after the summer.
€358 clicks

All 11 entries in the hold →